Have you ever felt hopeless? Have you ever been in so much pain that your mind shuts down, and you have no memory of time? Have you ever been told that you’re worthless and you don’t deserve to live? If you have then you've walked in my shoes!
My life as I knew it changed forever the day that I was raped. The enemy walked into my room to destroy me. He came in with a vengeance. I knew that I was going to die. It might not be physically, but spiritually, I was going to be a dead woman. I knew that because I was just barely holding on as it was. My divorce had left me empty and convinced that my spiritual life was over. God had NOTHING for me to do!
I want you to understand that this was not a man walking into my room to threaten me. This was the Enemy in flesh form who walked into my house to destroy me. He threatened my life physically, and of course, that terrified me more than you will ever know. But the one thing that seemed to change me the most, was the way that he talked and humiliated me. I was made to feel worthless. If I remember correctly, I wasn’t worth spitting on.
The bible says that Satan walks to and fro seeking whom he may devour and that day he chose me. I wish that I could explain this kind of pain, in a way that you could fully understand its depth, but I can’t. It’s not because I want you to feel pain, it’s because I want you to understand the depth of despair the Lord has brought me from.
There are just not enough words to describe it. The enemy came in; he stripped me down to nothing physically and mentally. He burned every thought I had of ever being used of the Lord, and then he walked out leaving me to die in my ashes.I’ve often wondered why me, but why not me? Many women have suffered at the hands of the enemy. It may not have come in the form of rape, but the source of it is always the same.
As a Case Manager, I see women on a daily basis who are broken and they too are lying in their ashes. They have been broken by addictions, divorce, adultery, finances, abandonment, disease, and losing someone through death or betrayal. The avenue is different, but the source is always the same – the enemy coming to steal, kill and destroy. This kind of pain holds us back and keeps us from being able to shine a light to others. We can't because we’re too bent- over in our own pain making shadows that we can’t create light.
I’ve watched as a mother lost her child to an overdose- I’ve listened as a woman screamed that she wanted to die after having cut herself over and over-I’ve seen women beaten and battered- heard them cry that no one cares. I’ve watched them hold their children knowing they had nowhere to sleep that night. There is no way to fully describe or prepare for this kind of pain.
There are certain things that happen to us that we never completely get over, but with God’s help we can heal and learn to cope with it. Once again, we can be happy and live fulfilled lives, but we have to learn new coping skills and be prepared for the days when it tries to raise its head again.
I couldn’t imagine feeling normal or being happy again after I was raped. I certainly couldn’t see myself looking forward to the future. I would try to see myself feeling better, but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t within my means to do so. I am in no way fully healed, but I have progressed so much, and I’m so thankful for it. I didn’t get here overnight, but I got here.
If you too are hurting I will make you a promise, better yet, I will share with you God’s promise. There is nothing or nobody that can keep you from God’s love, and through that love we will find what we need to sustain us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. 37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The enemy thought he had me; I was a sheep (God’s Child) for the slaughter (to be destroyed). But there is NOTHING that could separate me from God’s love, not even the principality of darkness. You can trust this promise. We may go through things at the hand of the enemy that causes us to suffer, but we DON”T have to be destroyed by it. God has COMEBACK power! HE can reach us and heal us through HIS love.
Here’s to Comeback Power!
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