The day I was raped changed my life forever. The enemy walked into my room to destroy me. He came in with a vengeance. I knew that I was going to die. It might not be physically, but spiritually, I was going to be a dead woman.
I knew that because I was just barely holding on as it was. My divorce had left me empty and convinced that my spiritual life was over. God had NOTHING for me to do!
I want you to understand that this was not a man walking into my room to threaten me. This was the Enemy in flesh form who walked into my house to destroy me. He threated my life physically, and of course, that terrified me more than you will ever know. But what left me with the most damage was the way that he degraded me as a person by telling me that I was not worthy to live.
I was made to feel worthless. The bible says that Satan walks to and fro seeking whom he may devour and that day he chose me. I wish that I could explain this kind of pain in a way that you could fully understand its depth, but I can’t. There are just not enough words to describe it. It's not that I want you to feel that kind of pain, but I want you to understand the depth that God reached through to heal me. The enemy came in; he stripped me down to nothing physically and mentally. He burned every thought I had of being used by the Lord and then walked out leaving me in the flames to die in my ashes.
I’ve often wondered why me? It wasn’t like I was a spiritual fireball for God, but rather, Spiritually, I was just barely holding on. Why would he feel the need to completely destroy me?
I may never fully understand, but what I have understood, is that I’m not the only woman who has been broken, nor will I be the last. As a Case Manager, I see women on a daily basis who are broken and lying in their ashes. They may not have suffered rape, but they have suffered something else at the hands of the enemy.
These are women that are being burned by addictions, divorce, adultery, pornography, finances, abandonment, disease and losing a loved one through betrayal. It doesn’t matter the avenue of the pain, but the source is all the same, it comes from the enemy to rob us from living a peaceful and joyous life. It holds us back from being able to shine to others showing them the way because we’re too bent over in our own pain making shadows that we can’t create light.
I’ve watched as a mother was told her child was dying from a drug overdose- I’ve listened as a woman screamed that she wanted to die after having cut herself over and over-I’ve seen women beaten and battered- heard them cry that no one cares and seen them begging for help to find shelter for the night. I’ve watched them hold their children knowing they have nowhere to sleep.
There is no way to fully describe, or prepare for this kind of pain.There are certain things that happen to us that we never completely get over, but with God’s help we can heal and learn to cope with it. Once again, we can be happy and live fulfilled lives, but we have to learn new coping skills and be prepared for the days when our mind tries to allow the past to sneak back in robbing us of our joy for today.
I couldn’t imagine feeling normal or being happy again after I was raped. I certainly couldn’t see myself looking forward to the future. I would try to see myself feeling better, but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t within my means to do so.
I am in no way fully healed, but I have progressed so much, and I’m so thankful for it. I didn’t get here overnight, but I got here. The message to be learned in this is that it doesn’t matter how broken we are or how we got there, God knows exactly where we’re at and how to heal us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. 37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The enemy thought he had a sheep ready for the slaughter (to be destroyed). But there is NOTHING that could separate me from God’s love, not even the principality of darkness. You can trust this promise. We may go through things that cause us to suffer and to break, but we don’t have to be destroyed by it, God can heal our broken hearts.
Here’s to Hearts Mending,
Glenda J.
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